Lyrics forthcoming. Can’t find them right now.

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Helped me take over the world tonight
Right after I cut the power
I’d use them to light my scour
ing of the land
While you would sit and cower

I’d like to make myself believe
I would be kind and lenient
I’d like to say I would spare your life
But I’m not one for reprieves
And you’d just be another mouth to feed

But I’d have some helping hands
Destroying at my command
It’s more fun when everything’s on fire
And as we all watch and see
Descent into anarchy
Our overwhelming social fragility

I’d like to make myself believe
This would have happened sometime
It’s hard to say I’m responsible
For everything you see
I only had the weapons you would need
To increase the speed

Why are you doing this to me
(You can’t get away from here)
I have friends and also a family
(Well not anymore I fear)
At least my soul is not quite so vile
(You can’t get away from here)
Even this is boring after a while

To ten million fireflies
Your job is done, so goodbye
The world is a much better place today
And if people ask me why
I killed their family I’ll
have them know I ran out of Earl Grey one day

I’d like to make myself believe
Those that survive now thank me
It’s hard to live when you just keep
Your boring same routine
‘Cause all those things are artificial scenes
To placate the sheep

I’d like to make myself believe
Some disagree with this way
It’s hard to say that this isn’t the
Best way, don’t you agree
‘Cause all the useless people are deceased
We’ve shed all the least

I’d like to make myself believe
That there are happy endings
It’s hard to find some evidence
So why be so naive
It’s cruel to try to constantly deceive

The World’s Most Skeptical Man

’80s Rock Pastichery

“This building was built back in 1804”  
“It’s chilly out and it might start to pour” 
“The salmon comes with capers and quince” 
How are these people so convinced? 

With dogmatic ideas gripping hold of this nation 
It’s become hard to stomach it, or so is my inclination 
I’m not sure of anything any more, except just this 
I’m not sure of anything any more, and I’m not even sure of that

People go and assume because they think they know
But green lights don’t necessarily mean you should go
I can’t believe that people eat every day
But it appears that’s what people say

With dogmatic ideas gripping hold of this nation
I’m ridiculed for questioning gravitation
I’m not sure of anything any more, but as is the case
I’m told that my purported views have a place

I am…
The world’s most skeptical man
although I’m not convinced that’s a fact
You can’t prove anything, you must understand
That point of view though could be attacked

I can’t assume reality or its composition 
Assumptions appear to be the realm of hacks and politicians
I could say the worst thing is a man of power
Assuming things when it’s not his hour

Apparently I was considered a threat
They say that I’ve been jailed and that I should fret
All this talk of thought crimes and radicalism
My lawyer claims that terrorists shun skepticism

With dogmatic ideas gripping hold of this nation
They want me to prove my belief of cooperation
I don’t believe I’m a terrorist but I can’t assume I’m not
At least I don’t believe that I can assume I’m not
I am…

It seems to me the court ruled in my favor
Apparently my national pride won’t waver
While thinking it through I can’t believe their claims
Am I sure that I don’t have radical aims?

Some people say the best course of action 
Would be to forget about this distraction 
I’m inclined to agree with their suggestion, but then 
I wouldn’t be able to evaluate and question 

I still remember that incident
At least I think, but my memory could be spent
It’s been a while since that occurred
But if my memory’s faulty that can’t be inferred 

Sometimes they claim that I’m still being taunted
When I think I can’t say I’m not haunted
I’m not completely sure but I may have found the cause
When I realized I couldn’t prove that houses didn’t spontaneously catch on fire or collapse, like a person who claims to be my friend once suggested directly after a purported burglar seemed to attempt to break into what I think is my house but could very well be somebody else’s and if that’s the case I think I might be guilty of grand larceny although I could just be housesitting in which case the house appears quite messy and in need of cleaning although it could be acceptable in relation to the original owner or to other similar houses and people of what would appear to…uh

I am…
The world’s most skeptical man
although I’m not convinced that’s a fact
You can’t prove anything, you must understand
That point of view though could be attacked

I am…
The world’s most skeptical man
although I’m not convinced that’s a fact

Another song I made a LONG time ago, and that I have just rerecorded.

Live piano, so it’s really mistake-prone. Enjoi.

Lyrics:

I returned a spiral staircase accidentally taken from the store
Before alarms installed in the front door
I came back to the court to tell them accidental, no intention
What would I do with a set of stairs anyway?
Did a large police force search warehouses and the junkyards for the staircase
And was taxpayer money used for the wild goose chase?
Now it’s over, I’m charged with grand larceny, and it’s time to go to jail
And I’ll get paroled and try not to steal from you

I will never be a kleptomaniac again
I’ll never try to steal something larger than my front door
I have to apologize for when I was 30 and I made my younger
Brother an accomplice to grand theft auto
Did a large police force search warehouses and the junkyards for the Bentley
And did the owner take the bad news gently?

Now it’s over, I’m charged with grand larceny, and it’s time to go to jail
And I’ll get paroled and try not to steal from you

So I will sit at home
All day long and you won’t
See me look suspiciously
At that house or that store
Ever anymore, and I’ll be paying in the line at the store

I returned a spiral staircase accidentally taken from the store
Before alarms installed in the front door
I came back to the court to tell them accidental, no intention
What would I do with a set of stairs anyway?
Did a large police force search warehouses and the junkyards for the staircase
And was taxpayer money used for the wild goose chase?
Now it’s over, I’m charged with grand larceny, and it’s time to go to jail
And I’ll get paroled and try not to steal from you

Recorded the day of release of Deathly Hallows. Only existed in a really crappy crappy crappy audio version…until now.

Parody of Withered Hope by They Might Be Giants.

Lyrics:

Severus Snape lives in Spinner’s End, Slytherin and bad, very sad man
Lily Evans says she is his friend to the end, But she doesn’t like Severus Snape
Today Snape got picked on by a bunch of Quidditch jocks, and she tried to defend him there
But he got mad at the four friends, and pulled out his wand, she restrained him there, he looked in her eyes that time, this is what he said:

Lily Evans, I’m in love with you
Want to live with you, all your life
Are you going to say to me this can never be?
Are you going to say to me, Lily, now?
Mudblood
Mudblood

Lily has found another soul mate
Lives in Godric’s Hollow with her son today
But then Voldemort kills Lily and James and Snape runs away to Dumbledore’s side
And 16 years later Snape’s dying there when he sees Lily’s son right next to him
Snape looks in his eyes one more time to catch a glimpse of Lily in Harry Potter’s eyes
(chorus)