The World’s Most Skeptical Man

’80s Rock Pastichery

“This building was built back in 1804”  
“It’s chilly out and it might start to pour” 
“The salmon comes with capers and quince” 
How are these people so convinced? 

With dogmatic ideas gripping hold of this nation 
It’s become hard to stomach it, or so is my inclination 
I’m not sure of anything any more, except just this 
I’m not sure of anything any more, and I’m not even sure of that

People go and assume because they think they know
But green lights don’t necessarily mean you should go
I can’t believe that people eat every day
But it appears that’s what people say

With dogmatic ideas gripping hold of this nation
I’m ridiculed for questioning gravitation
I’m not sure of anything any more, but as is the case
I’m told that my purported views have a place

I am…
The world’s most skeptical man
although I’m not convinced that’s a fact
You can’t prove anything, you must understand
That point of view though could be attacked

I can’t assume reality or its composition 
Assumptions appear to be the realm of hacks and politicians
I could say the worst thing is a man of power
Assuming things when it’s not his hour

Apparently I was considered a threat
They say that I’ve been jailed and that I should fret
All this talk of thought crimes and radicalism
My lawyer claims that terrorists shun skepticism

With dogmatic ideas gripping hold of this nation
They want me to prove my belief of cooperation
I don’t believe I’m a terrorist but I can’t assume I’m not
At least I don’t believe that I can assume I’m not
I am…

It seems to me the court ruled in my favor
Apparently my national pride won’t waver
While thinking it through I can’t believe their claims
Am I sure that I don’t have radical aims?

Some people say the best course of action 
Would be to forget about this distraction 
I’m inclined to agree with their suggestion, but then 
I wouldn’t be able to evaluate and question 

I still remember that incident
At least I think, but my memory could be spent
It’s been a while since that occurred
But if my memory’s faulty that can’t be inferred 

Sometimes they claim that I’m still being taunted
When I think I can’t say I’m not haunted
I’m not completely sure but I may have found the cause
When I realized I couldn’t prove that houses didn’t spontaneously catch on fire or collapse, like a person who claims to be my friend once suggested directly after a purported burglar seemed to attempt to break into what I think is my house but could very well be somebody else’s and if that’s the case I think I might be guilty of grand larceny although I could just be housesitting in which case the house appears quite messy and in need of cleaning although it could be acceptable in relation to the original owner or to other similar houses and people of what would appear to…uh

I am…
The world’s most skeptical man
although I’m not convinced that’s a fact
You can’t prove anything, you must understand
That point of view though could be attacked

I am…
The world’s most skeptical man
although I’m not convinced that’s a fact